he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
