Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
NoShamevember. You game?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You don't make any sense
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