I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
