i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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