Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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