You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
