Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
