I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
