you turned your livingroom into a bong?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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