if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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