in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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