So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
