Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
