am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
