just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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