do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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