You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
