were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
