Jerry, you need to find god
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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