Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
