while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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