Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
