Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
