well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
