Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
