How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize