Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize