is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
