He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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