if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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