Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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