hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
