So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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