jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
