ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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