Girls should come with a carfax report
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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