He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize