I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
