my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
