I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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