Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
