Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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