She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
