When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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