MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
