It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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