We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
