I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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