the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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