he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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