So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
