From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
