Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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