why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
