when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
