ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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