It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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