Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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