i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
