I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
