i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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