its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
