Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
