last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
