His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
