Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
