the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
