Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
