Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
