why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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