ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Randomize
