So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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