Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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