I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
