Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
